Why Whole Hearted Living is the Point – The Kim and Kalee Show #58

As we continue our Reset & Simplify Your Life Series, we are digging into one of the major points in life — whole hearted living.

We share our take on Brene Brown’s coined phrase as we walk through her 10 guideposts to cultivating a life you love.

We’d love your feedback in our private Facebook Community – the BFF Sisterhood or as a comment below!

  

What does Whole Hearted Living Mean?

Whole hearted living means letting go of the fear of vulnerability and being courageous enough to bring your full self to the table (weirdness and all)

The 10 Guide Posts to Whole Hearted Living

Cultivating Authenticity and Letting Go of What Other People Think

Brown shares a helpful definition: “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be, and embracing who we actually are.”

• personal development
• good people
• don’t overshare
• Notice when you’re trying to please others or get caught in worrying about what others think. Note these moments with a “Needs work” and shift back to your authentic self.

 

Cultivating Self-Compassion and Letting Go of Perfectionism

You can only offer as much compassion to others as what you give yourself. 

• self kindness
• common humanity
• practicing mindfulness (allow yourself to feel and know feelings are temporary)

How to Practice This Guidepost:

Grab Your Cheat Sheet to All 10 Guideposts

• think about yourself as a child
• talk to a trusted friend

Cultivating Your Resilient Spirit, Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness

Resilience is your ability to overcome adversity and bounce back from losses, errors, and setbacks.

Brown shares five common qualities of resilient people:

1. Resilient people are resourceful problem-solvers
2. Resilient people seek help when they need it
3. Resilient people take ownership of their ability to take action to manage their feelings
4. Resilient people have access to social support
5. Resilient people are connected with other people

When Brown talks about cultivating your resilient spirit, she notes that “across the board, wholehearted men and women are spiritual people.”

This doesn’t mean they’re religious. It means wholehearted people have “a deeply held belief that we are inextricably connected to each other by something greater than us.”

Numbing, on the other hand, is a way of ignoring the challenges that need your attention. Numbing activities like television, working long hours, surfing social media, impulsive eating and drinking keep you comfortable.

How to Practice This Guidepost:

Grab Your Cheat Sheet to All 10 Guideposts

1. Recognize when you are owning those 5 things.
2. Bring awareness to your go-to numbing strategies.

Cultivating Gratitude and Joy, Letting go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark

Imagine you’re watching a movie. The opening scene is a beautiful, sunlight day in the mountains. There’s a young family driving along the mountain road. They’re laughing, and smiling together. The camera cuts from scene to scene, showing their joy, and watching them as they drive together.

…What do you think happens next?

If you’re like most people, you had a thought like:

• “They get hit by a truck.”
• “They drive off a cliff.”
• “The dad has a heart-attack.”

This is what Brown refers to as “Foreboding Joy.” It’s the fear that the other shoe is going to drop when good things happen to us in life.

Many people carry an unconscious belief that says “I can’t have too much of a good thing…”

This belief comes from a place of scarcity. It says “I won’t let myself feel this joy, because it won’t last forever.”

The quickest way to eliminate joyful experiences from your life is to hold yourself back from feeling joy in the first place.

On the other hand, gratitude is a super easy way to raise your vibes and manifest your vision.

Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith, Letting Go of the Need for Certainty

We crave certainty and control, but we are never able to control everything.

Which is why intuition and faith are so helpful.

As Brown says, “Intuition is not a single way of knowing…it’s our ability to hold space for uncertainty and our willingness to trust the many ways we have developed knowledge and insight, including instinct, experience, faith, and reason.”

So if you want to get great at navigating uncertainty, cultivating your intuition and faith is essential.

How to Practice This Guidepost:

1. When you find yourself in uncertainty, check in with your intuition. Find stillness and consider: What’s your gut telling you to do? What would you do if you had no fear?
2. Praying, meditating, journaling, movement, and other alone-time can help boost intuition.

Cultivating Creativity and Letting Go of Comparison

There’s no such thing as a “creative person” and a “non-creative person.” 

Some of us just don’t practice creativity or have put up a wall around ourselves not to be creative.

Comparison with others is one of the biggest culprits here.

Little kids used to draw blue horses, but then one day around 9-10, they stop and make it more “realistic” when someone happens to tell them horses aren’t blue.  

How to Practice This Guidepost:

1. Start a new habit — What’s your favorite way to be creative? What’s a way you used to love being creative, but you haven’t practiced in a while? What’s a creative class you’ve always wanted to take? …this doesn’t have to artsy…even planting a flower bed, cooking, fixing something…
2. Bring awareness to when you fall into the trap of comparison. Note this without judgment and pay attention to the sensations you feel in your body while you’re in comparison.

Cultivating Play and Rest, Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth

PLAY:

1. It’s time spent without purpose
2. It’s something you don’t want to end (lose track of time)
3. You lose yourself in the action & don’t worry about what you look like or how you’re doing.

Stuart Brown, author of Play says “The opposite of play is not work, the opposite of play is depression.”

Create that RELAX plan we talked about in Episode 56 on Avoiding Burnout.

How to Practice This Guidepost:

1. Schedule play time and follow through!
2. Change your belief that play shouldn’t be prioritized..it should be!

Cultivating Calm and Stillness and Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle

We have to let go of busy being seen as a gold medal. It just boosts anxiety and creates distractions.

Try:

• meditating, praying, journaling

Cultivating Meaningful Work, Letting Go of Self-Doubt and Supposed-To

Meaningful work doesn’t mean your job. It’s about using your gifts and talents regularly.

Let go of the “I should do this” or “I’m supposed to…” because this is EXTERNAL

Think about — what makes me feel alive, happy, and fulfilled? 

Make time for that stuff!!

Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance. Let Go of Cool and Always in Control

Laughter, song, and dance also should be prioritized and not seen as luxury!!

Brown summarizes what these activities bring to our lives:

“Laughter, song, and dance create emotional and spiritual connection; they remind us of the one thing that truly matters when we are searching for comfort, celebration, inspiration, or healing; We are not alone.”

Laughter builds resilience. Without the ability to laugh at yourself and your inevitable missteps, you’ll be hard-pressed to continue through adversity.

Song and dance are clear indicators of good moods, and when we feel good – we’re more likely to be authentic.

All 3 require letting go of your ego

“When we value being cool and in control over granting ourselves the freedom to unleash the passionate, goofy, heartfelt, and soulful expressions of who we are, we betray ourselves. When we consistently betray ourselves, we can expect to do the same to the people we love.”

How to Practice This Guidepost:

1. Notice when you feel overwhelmed or insecure about being seen as “weird” or “uncool” and focus on being brave and outside your comfort zone. What’s the worst case scenario? Will that scenario (or person) matter 6 months from now?

Grab Your Cheat Sheet to All 10 Guideposts

Resources:

• Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection
• Brene’s Daring Greatly
• Charlie Hoehn’s Play it Away:  A Workaholic’s Cure for Anxiety
• Priscilla Shirer’s Fervent:  A Woman’s Battle Plan to Serious, Specific and Strategic Prayer
• Unplug: Meditation app

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Grab Your Worksheet for Episode #58 HERE